what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize