let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
