i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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