Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize