The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i now understand why vodka
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
