my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
