How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
