there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
