I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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