oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize