So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
