My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
