your parents love me but you hate me
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
