Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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