i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
