oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
as a side note pls kill me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
