home. puking in laundry basket.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
