Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
