glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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