Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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