Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a hot homeless man
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
