i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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