Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
tell me about the eggs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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