Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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