you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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