Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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