I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My vagina is very pro this idea
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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