he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
