dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
