32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
