dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
