i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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