This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
