I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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