then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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