is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
