Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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