She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
