dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we should paint friendship bongs
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