So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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