The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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