We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
