I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bring me that man meat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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