so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
