You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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