We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
