she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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