I am puke
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
