the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A+ Viking dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
