please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
