so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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