I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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