the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
