I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
