Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
