my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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