Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
