i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
