Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
