If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize