just come out here and I will go home with you...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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