he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize