these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
