so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
