You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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