If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize