last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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